Ok so remember when I was saying before that it is so hard for things to be good all at once? Well here is a prime example. Everything was actually going really good. I get worried when that happens because I think it is too good to be true and also from past experience, I have found that when things are going good, something bad happens. The better things are, the worse the bad thing is. And that scares me to death! I have actually talked to my therapist about that fear too. But time and time again, my theory proves me right. I don’t even know any more if I create it or if it is in my imagination but I swear, it does happen.
Anyways, things were going really good. Then I thought, oh I better go get an exam at the doctors because I hadn’t had one for a long time and for some reason the universe was telling me to go (I will talk more about my relationship with the universe later). Well guess what, they found a lump in my breast! I was not expecting that. It could be other things besides cancer but of course I was worried about it. I am under 40 and no family history of cancer but turns out, that doesn’t even matter, anyone can get it. Cancer does not discriminate!
So of course, knowing that things were going so good, I did fear cancer. The doctor said he didn’t feel like the standard cancer lump though, but did refer me to general surgery for an ultra sound and mammogram. I scheduled it for as soon as possible and those two days I had to wait were agonizing. I just kept thinking I wanted to be here for my baby as he grows and read all the millions of horror stories online of people and moms just like me. That was not good. Should not have done that!
Well as I am waiting in that extremely, icy cold room after the mammogram, I just kept thinking how any minute my life could change forever and about all of those women who came before who sat on that same stool, shirtless, scared and freezing.
Luckily and Thank Goodness it was not cancer! I seriously felt like I was getting a second chance on life! I was walking on air and so happy. Things were actually still good and I was alive!! I felt like things were even better than before even! Which also made me nervous cause how long could it last?
Ok, well here it is, about 5 days later. A couple days ago my husband gasped and yelled, “what the hell is wrong with your eye!?” I looked in the mirror and it was bright red and full of blood in my eye. I didn’t panic but looked it up online and am almost positive it is a broken blood vessel. Usually that is nothing to worry about, although it is extremely creepy looking. However, it is now day 3 and it looks like there is something stuck on my eye!
So here I go, off to the doctors again. Wish me luck that this is just another freak thing that will turn out perfectly ok and good days are still among me!
While at the doctors, he told me that I have had way too much craziness in my life and that I need to go on a vacation. I told him that I normally don’t travel but he told me that I don’t have a choice and that he’s prescribing it! (Not sure you can actually do that…) He has a sister that works for a travel company called Maui Vacation Packages, and said she would give me a good deal on a vacation package to Maui. So called her up and went on her site DiscountMauiVacationPackages.com. Let’s hope something doesn’t happen bad when i’m there.